It is ridiculously crazy how just in one night there could be so many different kinds of thoughts running through my head.
- I am the person who tries to handle so many things to prove to myself and others that I can handle everything.
- I am the type of person who likes to rely on solely myself and lean on preferably .. no one.
- I am the type of person who takes in/grasps everything very slowly. Very….slowly.
But later on I will suddenly just get it and understand everything. Tonight while I was tussling in my bed trying to sleep, I felt beyond stressed to the point I couldn’t find the peace to sleep. At first I thought what is wrong with me, I am so stressed. How can a person possibly go through life with having to juggle so many tasks and responsibilities. I thought about my parents and every other adult out there and wondered how they made it through. It suddenly made me want to just wake up and be old and have gone through it all. I wanted to give up everything possible and just let myself go.
I know, for sure, that I’m not in the worst situation but every situation’s different and things just ..get to you. Sometimes because I know I’m not in the worst situation, I find myself thinking maybe I’m too weak, too lazy, too irresponsible, too everything.
I’m relatively a positive person and try my best to see the light and good in everyone and everything. Everything but myself I guess. I know as I get older there will be more difficult responsibilities. I pray that I’ll learn from my hardships and I’ll be stronger person to handle my future challenges.
Sometimes to make myself feel better I just think of how small my existence is and how these kind of problems are useless but hahah I don’t know. Merps